My every day battles

 Hello All! 

I haven't blogged in awhile. I have been under the weather for about a week and well sometimes I struggle with what I want to share with all of you. Not that there's things I don't want to share but the lack of things to share...Does that make since?

I have been going through a lot emotionally lately. I found out that my hormones are off balance. My Dr. decided to do a test run and give me less hormones than I was originally getting and I think I need to get back to the higher dosage. Not that I'm an expert but I felt better when I was getting more. I have also been taking 50,000 IU's of vitamin D weekly. I called my Dr. office about 2 weeks ago and they told me to stop taking my vitamin D do to my levels being ok. I got a phone call yesterday from the Dr. office and they tell me my vitamin levels are "extremely" low. I started taking my vitamins yesterday and I have to tell you, I feel a world of difference. 

So other than medical reasons for me to be off balance I have emotional issues. I'm obsessed with food which means I love to eat! I eat when I'm hungry, snacky, sad, happy, celebrating, crying, bored, lonely, and any other feeling you get. I was watching Dr. Phil and there was a woman on his show that was talking about her eating and how she felt so unattractive to her husband. She felt unattractive to herself. Her self esteem had diminished. She would eat in private so there would be zero judgment in concern to what she would eat. She weighs exactly what I weigh and I feel exactly like her, and all I could do was cry.

Kevin and I are looking into joining the YMCA. I need him to motivate me (basically kick me out the house) and get me going to the gym. The YMCA has a great child care and tons of things to offer my daughter and that alone is reason enough for the membership in my eyes. 

I'm looking forward to starting this process. I'm going to attempt to journal about my experience. Probably about how I'm feeling, my struggles, my strengths and I will TRY to get the courage to do the before and after photos. I just hope I don't let myself down.

I really want to be thin. I want clothes to look cute on me, I want to look the way I did when I met Kevin, and most of all I want to feel good about ME. Not that you have to be thin to feel those things but for me personally, that's what I need. I know being thin wont fix my problems its just a major problem in my eyes that I can fix. I will battle those other issues in other ways :D

I was going to write about some other things but I will save them for a later time....I took 2 sleeping pills and I am feeling very very sleepy....Good Night!

I hope your all doing well. Anyone want to join me on this working out and eating better quest?